News Flash!

I'm not perfect. You probably already knew that. You're probably okay with that. I probably knew it, too. I wasn't okay with it. For years I have been trying to be, and I've felt like a fraud. Instead, I should listen to Harry:

Accidents happen to everyone and it's okay.

I am not sure when this all happened. One thing that I am deeply embarrassed about is that during orientation at Maryland, I told someone I went to a different high school. I meant well, but I lied. Major confession: I overheard the advisor say that half the peopel at UMD were from Cherry Hill. So, when he asked where I was from, I said Cherry Hill. If I had been in, say, China, it would have been okay. But I wasn't. I was surrounded by people from Cherry Hill, asking why they hadn't seen me before. Instead of fessing up and naming my real school, I said I'd gone to a private school. Part of this is because my town has an inferiority complex. Anyway, this is a lie I have kept hidden until now. It seems minor, but it snowballed. I missed out on making a few more friends because I was busy hiding from them for 4 years.
I also seemed to have learned to (try to?) cover up my inadequacies. It kind of left me grasping at straws a lot of the time, or working my ass off so no one would find out I wasn't perfect. Today I was called out on it- several times. The first instance was at work, and it has been a situation I have been dreading for months. At the end of it, I was actually relieved. I was told I am allowed to ask for help. No one told me that before. The second instance was at yoga, something I used to excel at. No what? I've had two kids in 4 years, one 8 weeks ago, and I am also not 20 years old. No one cares if I used to have better balance. I actually spent the class working to my own capacity! Again, I was relieved! And I felt more included in the class. Maybe because I was learning how to do yoga with the group and not teaching the class.
I suddenly feel very free. Free to Just Be, rather than to Just Do It. I've got lots of accomplishments, but I don't know everything, and I can't learn knew things if I am pretending I already know them. I'm free. I'm the boss of me. I am not responsible for the world. I'm not perfect, and it's okay.

***Special thanks to Jon Bon Jovi for his assistance with this realization. When not listening to Backyardigans in the car, I listen to the same Bon Jovi song, Just Older.

Hey, man, its been a whileDo you remember me? When I hit the streets I was 17A
little wild, a little greenIve been up and down and in betweenAfter all these
yearsCan you believe Im still chasing that dreamBut I aint looking over my
shoulderChorus:I like the bed Im sleeping inIts just like me, its broken inIts
not old -- just olderLike a favorite pair of torn blue jeansThis skin Im in its
alright with meIts not old -- just olderIts good to see your faceYou aint no
worse for wearBreathing that california airWhen we took on the worldWhen we were
young and braveWe got secrets that well take to the graveAnd were standing here
shoulder to shoulderChorus:I like the bed Im sleeping inIts just like me, its
broken inIts not old -- just olderLike a favorite pair of torn blue jeansThis
skin Im in its alright with meIts not old -- just olderIm not old enough to sing
the bluesBut I wore the holes in the soles of these shoesYou can roll the dice
til they call your bluff But you cant win until youre not afraid of losing. Solo: Well,
I look in the mirrorI dont hate what I seeTheres a few more lines staring back
at meThe nights have grown a little colderHey man, I gotta runNow you take
careIf you see coach t. tell him I cut my hairIts been all these yearsCan you
believe Im still chasing dreamsBut I aint looking over my shoulderChorus:I like
the bed Im sleeping inIts just like me, its broken inIts not old -- just
olderLike a favorite pair of torn blue jeansThis skin Im in its alright with
meIt s not old -- just older

***No thanks at all to the shirtless gentleman riding his bike east on King Street from the Masonic Temple at 1:30PM. He was, in fact, perfect.