Tips For Surviving a Toddler Tailgate Party

1. Avoid pigtails, unless you want "helmet head."
2. If you are over 15, and particularly if you are female, and you want to moonbounce, wear a jog bra.
3. If you can't handle your juice box, bring a clean shirt.
4. If you have knee problems, remain on the lookout for a 3 year old in a battery operated race car.
5. Valium will not be provided.
6. If you wear a hearing aid, turn the volume to low.
7. When it comes to opening or not opening presents, go with the flow.
8. Cake will be served. I cannot guarantee that it will be served after solid food. This is known as the High Maintenance Harry Act of 2006.
9. Children on sugar binges will not be permitted to remain in our care after the termination of the party.
10. Spectators in the front row may get wet/sticky. Do not wear your best party clothes.