Wiiiiiiiiiii!

Feelin a little bit better

Not On My Worst Enemy

Harry's throat hurt tonight. Postnasal drip? We let him skip dinner, which we never ever do because he gets night terrors when he does. But he couldn't even get through a popsicle. What could we do? So now every few minutes he starts moaning and screaming and sobbing uncontrollably...and there is nothing I can do. Nothing at all. He doesn't wake up. He doesn't know he's doing it. He's inconsolable. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

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My new favorite quote?

I nearly forgot to mention this...a little blurb Harry let out last week:
Do you like this hooker?
Puzzled expression from Mommy & Daddy.
A hooker is a kind of truck that doesn't have any wheels, Harry explains.

Harry REALLY likes

Chuck E. Cheese's
Swimming
Yogurt
Ice Cream
Jumping in the pool
Using his imagination
Watching TV
His little sister
Special days with Mommy
When Daddy plays checkers - Harry rules
Birthday parties

Harry really hates the shadows in the dark, cooked carrots, naptime, thunder & lightning.

Woo Hoo!!!

Harry can swim! No swimmies! I am so excited!!!!!!
He can also wink.
And he can eat with both a knife and a fork (apparently a big milestone).

Brother is working on....

sharing toys with his sister. He's learning his letters by site and sound. He helps out a LOT around the house. He's not ready to remove his water wings. He likes karate and claims he doesn't want to take family Tae Kwon Do with me, but he'll change his mind. He is a cuddly kid and loves hugs and kisses. He's very neighborly. He still fancies himself a surfer/skateboarder. He's excited about the cool horizontal spider web between his window and the screen. He doesn't like being outside after dark.

In Need Of Haldol and Straight Jacket

After 25 minutes with the hygenist (and mother of two small children) trying to coerce Harry into letting her see in his mouth, I received referrals for 3 pediatric dentists. "They're going to have to strap him down." Maybe I can cut his toenails while we're at it.

Photos from Harry's "Special Day"

We watched shows in PJs, hit Chuck E. Cheese's bright and early, rode bikes on the Mt. Vernon trail (I ran), went to the pool and then stopped at a couple of playgrounds. Happiness did not ensue. I LOVE 4!

-Kim

I hate barney!

Guess where we r?

playing hooky!

?

Harry delayed his bath tonight...so he could clean his room! He did it quickly...and he did a good job!

Today

VERY interested in Daddy telling him Indiana Jones stories. VERY intent.

How does he get big? From eating vegetables! But I don't want him to get big. But I have to get big so I can be a daddy!

Great job tonight at Karate! Hurt his arm though. Didn't want a band-aid. Wanted a hug from Ainsley.

Very excited about a post card from Japan that Aunt Meghan sent. He's going to take it to school to show it around to everyone.

mother nature's son

One of the comments in Harry's last parent-teacher conference was that he's not big on nature. Since then, I think we've been doing a pretty good job getting him dirty, without him knowing it. However, this morning was a nice opportunity to see something he usually doesn't get to.

When we arrived for dropoff at school, and made it through the gate comparing Evan's Spider-man Crocs to Harry's Spider-Man sneakers, I noticed a baby Robin strain up at me from just inside the fence. I called Harry back to have a look.

"is it dead?"

"no come look closer... see it's looking at you"

...he watches intently as the bird turns its head to quickly glance at Harry, then back at me...

It let out a little chirp and did a quick about-face, and we noticed it's mother just landed a few feet back with a big worm hanging out of its beak.

"see there's it's mommy, and it came to bring it some food, to feed it, just like Mommy does with your sister"

"but she doesn't eat worms..."

"well no... no she doesn't. Pretty neat huh?"

"yeah... where does it live?"

"in a nest up in a tree"

"how did it get down here? did it fall? did the squirrels push it out of the tree? squirrels are mean, they're not nice!"

"um... c'mon, let's go inside"

Wasn't quite sure where to take that one, but I was impressed with the interaction, and that there wasn't any "eeeeeew" or grabbing for said baby bird.

Not a bad start today...

On Dying

I've covered the question "if you don't have a penis, what do you have?" by buying a book. I've gotten away with explaining my rodent phobia by saying we can each have one thing to be afraid of. I think Harry's is worms. Tonight, I got to tackle the topic of death, even though it is not something I am myself comfortable with.
After years of childhood development classes, religious studies and even a death education class in college, I pretty much covered everythinbg this article recommended. Whew!
Harry almost had me in tears (okay, he DID have me in tears a little) when he asked what happens when you die (you get recycled just like those glass bottles on Mr. Rogers!). What do you say when you don't know what the answer is? All I could say was that everyone and everything dies. Different people believe different things. There's reincarnation...he wanted to know when I get to be little again. In a hundred years (?). Some people believe in heaven...physically or spiritually...when people die they die...it's not a video game you can re-set. (I don't want him to go Columbine on us). Most people don't die until they are very old. Like a hundred. Had to explain how old that is. Is Daddy old? I don't want Daddy to die. When old people die are they alone? You want to live a good life so that when you die you are ready, and you're not alone. Sometimes people die in accidents, that's why we wear seatbelts and bike helmets. It's important to eat right and sleep and exercise so we do't wear out our bodies.
Apparently Harry's "friend" Mater has died, as well as his little sister and his mommy and daddy. When you die your arms are cut off. Where did you hear that?! No, you keep your arms. I'm sad because I don't remember him. It's okay to forget a little. When you are ready the memories of things you've done together and things you've learned from him will return to you.
His eyes were so big as he layed with his head on his pillow, fighting sleep. He was so mature, yet so innocent. So wise. It's hard to leave him without answers. With just some tools. What will he do with them? Hopefully grow up to be secure and grounded and unafraid.

No Fair!

Harry gets to do his karate drills on an air track! We never got to do that at Krav! As Harry would say, "Oh, man!"

From MSN

7 Secrets to Raising a Happy Child
By Marguerite Lamb

What Makes a Child Happy?

We all want the same things for our kids. We want them to grow up to love and be loved, to follow their dreams, to find success. Mostly, though, we want them to be happy. But just how much control do we have over our children's happiness? My son, Jake, now 7, has been a rather somber child since birth, while my 5-year-old, Sophie, is perennially sunny. Jake wakes up grumpy. Always has. Sophie, on the other hand, greets every day with a smile. Evident from infancy, their temperaments come, at least in part, from their genes. But that doesn't mean their ultimate happiness is predetermined, assures Bob Murray, PhD, author of Raising an Optimistic Child: A Proven Plan for Depression-Proofing Young Children -- for Life (McGraw-Hill). "There may be a genetic propensity for depression, but our genes are malleable and can be switched on or off depending on the environment," he says. "The research clearly shows that happy, optimistic children are the product of happy, optimistic homes, regardless of genetic makeup." What can you do to create a home where your child's happiness will flourish? Read on for seven strategies that will strengthen your child's capacity to experience joy.
Foster Connections
The surest way to promote your child's lifelong emotional well-being is to help him feel connected -- to you, other family members, friends, neighbors, daycare providers, even to pets. "A connected childhood is the key to happiness," says Edward Hallowell, MD, child psychiatrist and author of The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness (Ballantine Books). Dr. Hallowell points as evidence to the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, involving some 90,000 teens, in which "connectedness" -- a feeling of being loved, understood, wanted, acknowledged -- emerged as by far the biggest protector against emotional distress, suicidal thoughts, and risky behaviors including smoking, drinking, and using drugs.
Fortunately, we can cement our child's primary and most crucial connection -- to us -- simply by offering what Dr. Hallowell calls the crazy love that never quits. "It sounds hokey, and it's often dismissed as a given," he says, "but if a child has just one person who loves him unconditionally, that's the closest thing he'll ever get to an inoculation against misery." It's not enough, however, simply to possess that deep love; your child must feel it, too, Dr. Hallowell says. Hold your baby as much as possible; respond with empathy to his cries; read aloud to him; eat, snuggle, and laugh together.
Meanwhile, provide chances for him to form loving connections with others as well, advises sociologist Christine Carter, PhD, executive director of the University of California at Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, an organization devoted to the scientific understanding of happiness. "We know from 50 years of research that social connections are an incredibly important, if not the most important, contributor to happiness," Carter says. "And it's not just the quality, but also the quantity of the bonds: the more connections your child makes, the better." (Hah! Sounds like daycare and having friends at a young age is a good idea!)

Don't Try to Make Your Child Happy
It sounds counterintuitive, but the best thing you can do for your child's long-term happiness may be to stop trying to keep her happy in the short-term. "If we put our kids in a bubble and grant them their every wish and desire, that is what they grow to expect, but the real world doesn't work that way," says Bonnie Harris, founder of Core Parenting, in Peterborough, New Hampshire, and author of When Your Kids Push Your Buttons: And What You Can Do About It (Grand Central Publishing).
To keep from overcoddling, recognize that you are not responsible for your child's happiness, Harris urges. Parents who feel responsible for their kids' emotions have great difficulty allowing them to experience anger, sadness, or frustration. We swoop in immediately to give them whatever we think will bring a smile or to solve whatever is causing them distress. Unfortunately, Harris warns, children who never learn to deal with negative emotions are in danger of being crushed by them as adolescents and adults.
Once you accept that you can't make your child feel happiness (or any other emotion for that matter), you'll be less inclined to try to "fix" her feelings -- and more likely to step back and allow her to develop the coping skills and resilience she'll need to bounce back from life's inevitable setbacks. (Not everyone should get a trophy every time!)

Nurture Your Happiness
While we can't control our children's happiness, we are responsible for our own. And because children absorb everything from us, our moods matter. Happy parents are likely to have happy kids, while children of depressed parents suffer twice the average rate of depression, Murray observes. Consequently, one of the best things you can do for your child's emotional well-being is to attend to yours: carve out time for rest, relaxation, and, perhaps most important, romance. Nurture your relationship with your spouse. "If parents have a really good, committed relationship," Murray says, "the child's happiness often naturally follows." (Duh. Do you think it's a good idea to keep kids in an unhappy environment all day?)

Praise the Right Stuff
Not surprisingly, studies consistently link self-esteem and happiness. Our children can't have one without the other. It's something we know intuitively, and it turns many of us into overzealous cheerleaders. Our child scribbles and we declare him a Picasso, scores a goal and he's the next Beckham, adds 1 and 2 and he's ready for Mensa. But this sort of "achievement praise" can backfire.
"The danger, if this is the only kind of praise a child hears, is that he'll think he needs to achieve to win your approval," Murray explains. "He'll become afraid that if he doesn't succeed, he'll fall off the pedestal and his parents won't love him anymore." Praising specific traits -- intelligence, prettiness, athleticism -- can also undermine children's confidence later, if they grow up believing they're valued for something that's out of their control and potentially fleeting.
"If you praise your child primarily for being pretty, for example, what happens when she grows old and loses that beauty?" Murray asks. "How many facials will it take for her to feel worthwhile?" Interestingly, Murray adds, research shows that kids who are praised mainly for being bright become intellectually timid, fearing that they will be seen as less smart -- and less valuable -- if they fail.
The antidote, however, is not to withhold praise but rather to redirect it, Murray says. "Praise the effort rather than the result," he advises. "Praise the creativity, the hard work, the persistence, that goes into achieving, more than the achievement itself."
The goal, Carter agrees, is to foster in your child a "growth mind-set," or the belief that people achieve through hard work and practice, more than through innate talent. "Kids who are labeled as having innate talent feel they need to prove themselves again and again," Carter observes. "Whereas studies show kids with a growth mind-set do better and enjoy their activities more because they aren't worried what people will think of them if they fail." Fortunately, Carter says, research has shown it's possible to instill a growth mind-set in children with one simple line of praise: you did really well on X; you must have worked really hard. "So we're not saying don't praise," Carter stresses. "Just focus on something within your child's control." (Trying not to say "I told you so")

Allow for Success and Failure
Of course, if you really want to bolster your child's self-esteem, focus less on compliments and more on providing her with ample opportunities to learn new skills. Mastery, not praise, is the real self-esteem builder, Dr. Hallowell says. Fortunately, when it comes to the under-4 crowd, nearly everything they do is a chance to attain mastery -- because it's all new to them: learning to crawl, walk, feed and dress themselves, use the potty, and ride a tricycle. Our challenge is to stand back and let our children do for themselves what they're capable of. "The great mistake good parents make is doing too much for their children," Dr. Hallowell says.
While it can be difficult to watch our kids struggle, they'll never know the thrill of mastery unless we allow them to risk failure. Few skills are perfected on a first try. It's through practice that children achieve mastery. And through repeated experiences of mastery, they develop the can-do attitude that lets them approach future challenges with the zest and optimism that are central to a happy life. (And this is why we don't let Harry quit).

Give Real Responsibilities
"Happiness depends largely on the feeling that what we do matters and is valued by others," Murray observes. "Without that feeling, we fear we might be excluded from the group. And research shows that what human beings fear more than anything is exclusion."
In other words, people have an innate need to be needed. So the more you can convey to your child that he is making a unique contribution to the family, from an early age, the greater his sense of self-worth and his ultimate happiness. Kids as young as 3 can play meaningful family roles, Murray says, whether it's refilling the cat's dry-food bowl or setting out the napkins at dinnertime. If possible, assign a role that plays to your child's strengths. For example, if your little one loves to organize things, give him the job of sorting the forks and spoons. If he's particularly nurturing, perhaps his role could be entertaining his baby sister while you get dinner on the table. So long as you acknowledge that he's making a contribution to the family, it will heighten your child's sense of connection and confidence, two prerequisites for lasting happiness.
(Okay, so we're not slave drivers because Harry has to make his bed and take care of the dog).

Practice Habitual Gratitude
Finally, happiness studies consistently link feelings of gratitude to emotional well-being. Research at the University of California, Davis, and elsewhere has shown that people who keep daily or weekly gratitude journals feel more optimistic, make more progress toward goals, and feel better about their lives overall. For a child, keeping a journal may be unrealistic. But one way to foster gratitude in children is to ask that each member of the family take time daily -- before or during a meal, for example -- to name aloud something he or she is thankful for, Carter suggests. The important thing is to make it a regular ritual. "This is one habit that will foster all kinds of positive emotions," she assures, "and it really can lead to lasting happiness." (add this one to the dinner conversation!)

Copyright 2008. Used with permission from the May 2008 issue of American Baby magazine.

Misunderstood

Harry thinks his middle name is Fred.